Women/Men's English

[manwithoutface]

Women`s English:



Yes = No



No = Yes



Maybe = No



I`m sorry = You`ll be sorry



We need = I want



It`s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.



Do what you want = You`ll pay for this later.



We need to talk = I need to complain.



Sure go ahead = I don`t want you to.



I`m not upset = Of course I`m upset, you moron!



You`re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.



You`re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?



Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.



This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.



I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....



Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!



I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.



Do you love me? = I`m going to ask for something expensive.



How much do you love me? = I did something today you`re really not going to like.



I`ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.



Is my butt fat? = Tell me I`m beautiful.



You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.



Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you`re dead.]



Was that the baby? = Why don`t you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.



I`m not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.



The same old thing = Nothing



Nothing = Everything



Everything = My PMS is acting up.



Nothing, really = It`s just that you`re such an asshole.



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Men`s English:



"I`m hungry" = I`m hungry.



"I`m sleepy" = I`m sleepy.



"I`m tired" = I`m tired.



"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I`d eventually like to have sex with you.



"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I`d eventually like to have sex with you.



"Can I call you sometime?" = I`d eventually like to have sex with you.



"May I have this dance?" = I`d eventually like to have sex with you.



"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!



"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.



"What`s wrong?" = I don`t see why your making such a big deal about this.



"What`s wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?



"What`s wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.



"I`m bored." = Do you want to have sex?



"I love you." = Let`s have sex now.



"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we`d better have sex now!



"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.



"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn`t look that much different!



"Let`s talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you`d like to have sex with me.



"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.



(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin` dress and let`s go home!



"I don`t think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay